Little house getting built

Its a big task trying to keep up with the family, build, work, educate, feed and please. It was a damp weekend when we tried having a working bee.

Food always seems to be at the top of the list...kids are soooo hungry all the time

Miss 11 and Master 8 love having fires and cooking over it. Their friends are pretty savvy too.

My dear Nana

Its been a long time coming and its been heart breaking. Each year little by little my Nana has slowly slipped away from us. Each winter she would get sicker and older and slower.

My Nana was an amazing woman...and she lived through such amazing times and lived so quietly. She lived for her family...she lived for the kids.

Once she busted up her car (as our next door neighbor said laughing it was not Nana's fault some how that farm gate just got in the way) and she no longer drove up to our place everyday and the loss of her very fat cat...she became quieter and more withdrawn. 

As a child I could not wait to go to Nana's place...a place of unconditional love, peace, food, rest and support.

When they lived in Thames we would walk everywhere together. Some days she would say "when I'm in my wheelchair you wont let go of me on the drive will you?" my grandparents had a REALLY steep long driveway.

Nana never made it into a wheelchair...so she should be pleased with that...though her little green walking frame got carted everywhere.

I have been struggling with Nana's passing as there has not really been much time for me to be alone and just be allowed to grieve....it's not really a kiwi thing - emotions.

I know that life goes on and my memories of her are strong....our tickle fests were epic!

Moving birds

Dr Gabor Mate and our culture

I've been interested in Dr Gabor Mate - Self Love for a long time and have read his book Hold on to your kids which he wrote with Gordon Newfeild was an early read for me once I got past the baby book stage. We also watched Gordon's videos on how to connect with children which was really cool too.
I have recently started watching Youtube videos and find myself nodding my head even more as Dr Gabor talks about addiction and lack of self love. This works in well with a lot of Louise Hay's books and other peoples who work with her.

This morning I was smiling while watching this one too The psychology of conformity and can see myself as a non-conformist LOL.

I think our culture has a lot to answer for with our current rates of ill health be it the way we treat people, what we eat and how our medical culture believes that you can just medicate it away or chop it out....also the way we treat our planet too.

Health Update

I've been battling for a couple of years with my health...and I'm still not sure what it is all about but I feel that things are getting better now.

I'd become very run down with very little energy. My thyroid was playing up and my stress levels were all over the place. To top it all off my Von Willerbrands disorder was/is hideous each month draining me (truly) each month.

The start of all this problem is unknown as I think it kind of came on gradually. But one weekend while standing at our local farmers market I lost so much blood I just about passed out. I took myself off to the doctor with a VERY fuzzy head and not able to think very well at all and basically was not listened to. I changed Doctors and then started the long process of seeing a specialist.

In between all this I quickly talked to the Haemophilia Centre and they were pointing me to see a gynecologist and get a Mirena Coil or go on the pill.

I've tried the Pill in my youth and that totally mucked up with my body and my brain. I was sent into a large depressed spin which I didn't really get out of till I met Dave and I had not been on the Pill for years by then.

After talking to the gynecologist he assured me that the Mirena Coil was the thing for me. I really was not sure as I can often have migraines and I was very depressed at the time as well. He again assured me that I would be fine.

What followed was 6 months of hell. It did fix the monthly problem it making it longer and arriving twice but it was more manageable. BUT the panic attacks were terrible....they grew bigger and bigger and my heart was racing I could hardly sleep.

I started looking around for herbal remedies and reading up on what vitamins and minerals I could take to help. I started on that track and I did feel some relief but not a lot and it still didn't help with the panic or the lack of sleep. I was also gaining weight BIG TIME!!! I'd lost interest in just about everything in my life too...I was just too tired and fed up. I also started having migraines often and these would take me out of my life for at least 2 days so I could recover.

Once past 6 months and the bleeding settled down into a long drawn out session and I thought that maybe I had lost the Mirena Coil as my brain was very fuddled. I had a check up and the Doctor couldn't find anything...so I had to have a scan...6 months later I had the scan...it was still there...I wanted it OUT!!! So 6 months laters I finally got it out.

I am really worried about how I will function as the months go on but so far I'm feeling better and better each day.

I went back to the Haemophilia Centre to be tested again to see if I could have DDAVP but my blood work did not fill the required check boxes so - No help there. I do feel a bit angry over that too...

Not one of the medical peoples I have talked to or seen but for my new Doctor has actually listened to me. I think this is a big problem. No one seems to understand that I could not leave the house or the toilet for anything more than 15mins. Not a one seemed to understand that I had really BIG problems with the Mirena Coil and I feel really fobbed off.

The next thing everyone suggests is surgery and for me I've lost all faith in anyone medical and to do something to my body that can not be revised would be just daft...I see it in so many places and situations with the medical profession.
People are given a medicine and they react to that medicine so they are given another one to help with the first one which then gives them another problem which they are given another medicine and so on and so on.
So I do not want to have any thing to do with surgery which would then require me to have medicine which puts me back in a downwards spiral.  

So where from here?
I've been taking Vitamin B, Milk thistle, Vitex, Zinc and Magnesium daily and Vitamin A, Vitamin K every so often.
I've been working with a lot of inspirational peoples like John Kabat Zinn, Esther Hicks, Louise Hay, Wayne Dyer, Dr Gabor Matea, Dr Libby and Pete Evens.
I'm trying to learn meditation which has been 5-6 years of work and I'm still only just beginning.
I'm trying to do yoga which I think is amazing but its about finding me time LOL.
We've changed our water so there is no fluoride or chlorine which I think was causing not only me problems but my DD11 too who started having a rash from the chorine.
Trying desperately hard to do healthy eating but its pretty hard....work in progress but as summer starts coming I'll be back in the garden.

Onwards and upwards    

July 2017

Its winter and right now its raining just lightly. I feel like we've done so much and then hardly anything at all...

 We've had some pretty heavy rain over the last few months and our little town has been really flooded. Our road went under water in 3 places and the new subdivision behind us had most of their new road washed out causing my poor little car some big issues in even getting home.

 We had a bit of a family maintenance work on the deck...we did really well for a while then we lost the kids then Dave was doing it by himself in the end while I moved onto another job.

 We had cyclone Cook come through for a few days. I lost the kids there for an hour or so and found them in the garden totally muddy and having soooo much fun.

My best mate from school finally got married in April. It was a big thing for everyone over Easter. Dave and I flew to Queenstown to stay at Blanket Bay...OH my goodness just soooo beautiful. I really missed my tramping boots and pack.

Circus school has been amazing for the kids. Here we are at the park. DD11 is now old enough to move onto the bigger kids group but she's hanging back to wait for some friends to move on next year. DS8 is enjoying being with the bigger kids as normal.
We've been looking on Youtube to inspire some more practice.

Our new property is AMAZING we are totally in love it it. Dave is working really hard on a little cabin. Its truly tiny living and we're going to do it.

My Dad has been helping Dave get some big pines down...we're worried if they get too much bigger we'll not be able to get them down ourselves and then the cost eeek. Both guys worked really hard and we've only got 3-4 left to get down now...one of the biggest ones but phew. Dad climbs up and ties a rope to the top of the tree then Dave cuts while Dad pulls...everything ended up where we wanted but it was pretty scary.

While these 2 cleared pine trees I cleared the walking track which was such an amazing experience for me. I had so much energy and I felt really comfortable working alone in the bush.   

Mindfulness learning

What a great site for some emotional help for the kids...and adults.
Childhood101.com

I've been working with the Virtues cards which you can order or you can download the app LOL

My wonderful girlfriend has been running childrens classes each week and we have been working on lots of different role plays, art and crafts and stories. The virtues have been a wonderful addition to our circle time and I can see these amazing Calm Down posters together with an emotions wheel will really help us on our way to mindfulness.

Some ideas i'm loving

I love this idea of a house...of course we'd need some better walls to make sure we made it through the winter but still a great idea.

I love the idea that the property is surrounded with a large hedge like planting with huge trees coming out over the hedge.

Welcoming in the New Year

 We live in a magical spot with magical friends who have magical children. This is a real nature playground which our children have grown up in. In fact I've grown up in it too. Many years ago I as a teen would come here to play too. Up behind our tents there are these wonderful rock formations which our children transform into many different games. When we had younger children I was a worry wort but not I've managed to sit for a little while without wondering if everyone is ok.

Our wee DS7 is just getting into the swing of caving and we're taking it at his pace. I have issues with the dark and small spaces and for years have panicked if I'm with the wrong people in a place like this. 

As a family we totally love this trip on the innertubes as its very relaxing and gentle and if done with a small amount of people quiet too...and if you're feeling really brave you could even do it without a torch as the cave opens up letting light in after a few twists and turns. 

 While waiting for my children on one side I was looking round. I always feel a bit scared seeing too much what it must be like in flood. Marveling at nature and its balancing abilities. This year there were many swallows diving in and out the cave mouth. DD10 is bird mad so really loved being able to paddle close to some babies.

 The water is cold and DS7 will go blue but a hop skip and a jump and your back to melting in a puddle in the paddock again.
The caves are scattered over farms and through the bush. Since my teens we have explored many different possibilities and delighted in where we have turned up. These caves are not for the faint of heart. This year we've seen a great number of people turn up totally unprepared...one woman was even dressed in a white tutu carrying a baby...she just checked out the main entry then hoped back in her car.
My first trip into the caves I was dressed in lace up gumboots, overalls, wetsuit, gloves, hardhat and at least 2 torches and a backpack full of snacks. My poor anxious mother often says "she disappeared down a drain for hours"

Each year we do an early countdown for our children to welcome in the new year. I have to laugh poor DD10 has been wanting to do this countdown for a few years but the last 3 she's either been in accident and emergence or too unwell to join in...and this year well old enough to figure out that the adults had moved the countdown time a few hours early. Oh they are growing up.

So well into the new year now...wondering what 2017 will bring.